A BOY NAMED DWEEZIL



(an old picture, but I like it)

As you will see in the coming issue of the New Times, Dweezil Zappa is embarking on a tour playing only songs by his late father, the musical genius Frank Zappa. It comes to town on Sunday, December 10.

It was really fun to call him up and say, "Hi, may I speak to Dweezil?" I could only fit about two sentences in the print edition of the paper, so here's our interview in its entirety. Enjoy!

Hi, can I speak to Dweezil, please?
Who’s calling?

Deirdra from the New Times in Florida.
Yeah, this is Dweezil.

Do you have time to talk now?
Yep.

Where are you?
At my studio in L.A.

Have you started playing shows yet?
Yeah, we started in May, in Europe, and then did a short US tour, took a little break , learned some more songs and went out again. A couple of weeks ago we finished, and we’re going again in couple weeks to do more touring. Next year we’re gonna do about 100 concerts.

Awesome. Tell me about the reception so far. Who’s showing up? A lot of your dad’s fans?
I’ve been curious to see how it would change. Originally I figured it would be the core fans and then maybe them bringing their kids, and maybe college-age kids. And it kind of is a bit like that, but there have been certain places where the crowd has been younger than expected – and the two places that surprised me the most were Norway and Montreal.

There are a lot of guitar-god fans in Norway, right?
The thing is, Frank’s music definitely has some guitar stuff in it but it’s beyond the sort of guitar pyrotechnics. He was really a composer who used a rock band as his orchestra. And while there is a lot of guitar solo stuff and guitar parts, and Steve Vai has been playing at a lot of concerts as well, it goes beyond that. It’s actually been interesting to see where the pockets of the young people are. I’d like to see it where it’s an equal mix of the core fans and new, young fans. Each time I’ve seen really young kids, it’s been fun for me. It reminds me of when I was little and I would see Frank and his band, and how amazing it seemed and how impossible it seemed. So kids who are 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years old – I’ve seen that, kids with their parents in the front row, and that’s been really fun. I think it really changes your perspective of what music is and what it can be when you see something like that at an early age.

So you have new album of all your own songs – but the tour is all your dad’s songs.
Right.

Isn’t that weird? Don’t you usually make an album and then go on tour to play it?
Well the thing is that I’ve never really tried to create a big career out of just playing and making my own records necessarily. I’ve done all kinds of different things. I like making my own music, but touring – unless youre doing it in a way that is fairly comfortable, it’s exhausting and its not that much fun. But when we’re playing Frank’s music, we’re extremely energized by the music. It’s not about getting people to accept new material, as it would be with my own record – and we’d be playing to an entirely different kind of fan base. But making the record was something I just did for fun, and if people are interested in it as a result of the tour, that’s good as well.

So are you doing this to promote your dad’s legacy, as a tribute?
The thing to me is that I think Frank’s music has been overlooked by several generations and I’d like it to be more readily available and well-known to the average 12-year-old. And the only way to do that is by playing live concerts and making it known that this music is contemporary and it’s something that they should discover. It’s not music that has traditionally been on the radio a lot and that’s never going to change. So the live venue is really the only way to grow the fan base.

Yeah, I think a lot of people know who Frank Zappa is, but I don’t know many people who can hum a song of his or necessarily even name one. That must be frustrating to you.
I think that does need to change, and it can’t change unless I’m doing what I’m doing.

Do you throw some of your own songs out there on the tour?
Nope. It’s all Frank’s music and it’s a 3-hour show.

Did you always want to be a musician? When you were a kid, was it scary to think that you have to follow in your dad’s footsteps?
I never thought of it like that. It’s a strange thing that the media places upon a situation like this. I’ve always been inspired by Frank’s music, but the music I’ve done of my own really bears no resemblance to his music. But I will say the future music that I do will be undoubtedly more influenced by it, because of the amount of time that I’ve spent learning and playing and being even more influenced by it at this point. So I can see even more correlations in the future, but I think that at this point for me to go and do this – I’ve never thought of it as following in his footsteps necessarily, because it’s not a competition of any kind, but people tend to put those boundaries on it. I think it’s important for people to hear Frank’s music because it’s very contemporary. Even though some of it is 40 years old, it’s still unlike anything that’s out there.

Do you often sit around and put your dad’s records on?
For the past few years, it’s really the only music that I listen to because I have had to spend so much time listening to it to learn it and choose what music might be learned for the next part of the tour.

So you got this idea a couple of years ago?
It’s been there a long time, but it was a question of how to even begin. I actually took two years off just to study the music, and in that time I changed a lot of things about my own abilities on guitar. I was always technically proficient, but I had to become extremely much more so. It was a lot of work but now that we’re actually out there playing, it makes it all worth it.

Do you play other instruments besides guitar?
Not really. I can kind of mess around with most stringed instruments, but I’m not very good at keyboards and I’m not that good at drums, so I just stick with the guitar.

Do you sing?
I do sing a little bit but most of the guitar stuff that I have to concentrate on requires so much more effort that I can’t really do both.

You seem like a musician’s musician. Are you a technical geek who’s in the studio from 5 p.m. to 8 a.m. every day?
Not those hours necessarily, I have certainly spent many 20-hour days in the studio.

Your dads studio, which you revamped, right?
Uh-huh

Now, Steve Vai comes on tour with you – tell me what else to expect at a show.
The show is focusing on a broad area of Frank’s music, and what we’ve done is put together a show that allows these mini sets to have special guests, like Steve and Terry Bozzio come out. And Napoleon Murphy Brock – he was also in Frank’s band at some time in the 70s, or a few times in the 70s. He’s out for the bulk of the concert with us and singing most of the lead vocals. But the core band is there the whole time and then we have rotating parts and then a big thing at the end where everybody’s out on stage.

So is Steve Vai at every show, but not on stage the whole time?
Right – he’s at every show and plays about 6 songs.

I remember MTV when you were Djing, and I know you hosted that TV show Dinner and Movie. What other stuff have you been doing? Any producing? Other projects? Fill in some blanks.
I’ve done different television things, different music things. I’ve been doing music for sound libraries and TV shows, stuff like that – but I’ve also gotten married and have a baby.

What’s the baby’s name?
A little girl – 4 months old – Zola Frank Zappa. It’s a very old Sicilian name.

Is it a family name?
No, but we have Italian heritage and specifically Sicilian, so I thought it would be fun to find an old Italian name that began with a Z so she can have ZZ as her initials.

Are you the first of your siblings to have a kid?
My sister Moon had a daughter – on Frank’s birthday. She’s gonna be two.

And what’s that baby’s name?
Matilda Plum

Does that get annoying – do people ask of you’re like, having a contest to give the craziest name?
I don’t really think about it. I don’t think the names are that strange, but it’s not really like we try to find the craziest word you ever heard .. It’s just something to give her a nice identity.

I know people are curious about your family – are you close? Do you, like, get together for Sunday dinners?
In years past, we had more time, but everyone’s so busy and having kids, so it’s not quite like that

But you all live in LA?
Yep.

Are you much of a scenester – do you like to go out in Hollywood?
Never! Never have been interested in it, never will be interested in it.

What’s your style? What;’s life like for you, then?
Basically when I’m doing the tour, at the beginning I pretty much have to do prep on my own for a couple weeks, then we rehearse, then go out for the length of the tour, come home, take a break. If I don’t have any other work, I’m just at my house and I almost never leave. We take little walks in the neighborhood, walk to the grocery store, do nothing, hang out and watch TV and read books to Zola.

Now, you’ve said you were influenced by Eddie Van Halen, and you’ve played with him…
I haven’t seen him for awhile. He was an influence on my playing. I got to sit and play and learn directly from him, and I continue to be influenced by him on guitar, but it’s not as evident in my playing when I play Frank’s music…

The reason I ask is because I heard that Eddie’s son Wolfgang is joining Van Halen – I thought you might have the inside scoop on that.
I heard that, too! It’ll be interesting to see how that goes. I’ve never actually heard him play, but Edward Van Halen and Alex Van Halen are two great musicians, and if Wolfgang can keep up with those guys, I have no doubt in my mind that he’s good.


Now, the stuff that you do with your dad and the stuff on your own album – how is it different?
Totally, radically different. My music has always been different than Frank’s because I had different influences. In the past, more rock, but now I’m encompassing new things, so this record is quite a departure. But mainly it’s because this is the first time I’ve recorded using computer technology which allowed me to do things I wasn’t able to before. Like using different instruments – I can write for an orchestra and use a sample, and hear it played in a realistic way. So there’s different textures in the music, but it’s still guitar-driven.

But you also still use live players?
Yeah, but some things use a lot of programming. Sort of a combination of different instruments, ambient noises, and then I’m playing guitar melodies over them. It’s sort of an experimental process – that gave me ideas for the future. Somewhere down the road, I’d like to do film scores.

Any interest in acting still?
It’s never been a huge priority of mine. If something were to happen, it would be almost quite by accident.

Any other projects?
Right now, with the tour, I want to continue and build it and do it annually, so that will keep me pretty busy. The songs are tremendously difficult to learn and even once they’re learned, it’s hard to maintain memorization of it. If I don’t play it for even a week, parts are forgotten.

The tour is called “Zappa plays Zappa” – Did any of your siblings want to get in on it? Are they musical?
They’re musical, but not to the level of skill required.to perform this stuff.

One last question: Does the baby have your hair? You have great hair.
I think Zola’s going to have a little bit of my curls – but it’s just starting to come in. I’m not sure what color, though. Now it’s almost a strawberry blond. My wife is blond and I have dark hair, so I’m not sure not sure if it’ll be blond or brown.

Congratulations on having her, by the way.
Thanks!

That’s it, unless there was anything else you wanted to talk about it…
Well, my main focus present is to present Frank’s music to a broader audience and in large part, to a younger audience.

What would you say to those people – “Hey! You’re missing the greatest thing ever?” Why should they come out?
It’s like the music speaks for itself, you just need to have an open mind and try to discover it. The earlier you’re exposed, the broader your concept of music and creativity is. Kids that only listen to rap have no idea what music is. There’s a lot more out there, and no music education available to kids.

Oh, I meant to tell you that I had your album – the one with “Son of Shoogagoogagunga” on it.
Oh!? The Return of the Son of Shoogagoogagunga!

I had it on tape!
Nice! That had Nuno Betancourt on it.

I loved him! I stalked out Extreme’s recording studio when they recorded down here. I was like a 13-year-old groupie.
Perfect!

Well, thanks, it’s been fun talking to you.
No problem.

Is there anything you’re looking forward to about coming to Florida?
I’ve been through there a few times, but I won’t have time to spend other than at the venue . I do like to play golf, so one day, I’ll come back through.

Awesome.
Well, thanks.

Sure, Ciao!
Bye!

I'M SO MAD AT LADY SOVEREIGN!



First of all, if you don't know, homegirl is a 20-year old rapper from Britain -- but she looks like a 12-year-old girl who just snuck out of her house and stole a black eyeliner from CVS, and she sounds like a 30-year-old from Jamaica.

Truth be told, I do have a certain affinity for Sov and her total digging on life. I love that she's the badassest, tomboyest little snotnosed brat; that she wears her house keys around her neck; that she smokes weed and plays PlayStation; that she has both a tour bus and perfect skin; that she will never slut it up in short skirts or pretend to be friends with Paris Hilton for publicity. I love that she sings "We ain't all posh like the queen/ we ain't all squeaky clean/ Now do the Tony Blair/ throw your hands int the air" and even better, "Jenny from da block -- more like Jenny from a flock of pigeons!"

But I hate her for this: she brought the side ponytail back... before I could! For years, I have been meaning to bring it back... but it's the sort of thing you have to bring back with a thud, not a whimper. It's the sort of the thing that requires commitment. In 2001, I won a dare and had my roommate go around the subway in Boston with one to see if America was ready to re-accept the side ponytail, but America wasn't. The side ponytail made a brief appearance during the height of Napoleon Dynamite, but the world didn't quite get the genius of it. Now, here comes Lady. Not only did she bring it back, but she incorporated a partial cornrow into it, and not only that but an artfully sloping partial cornrow, seemingly done with a French curve. I fold.

Put away your flat irons, your celebrity gossip magazines, and your manners -- they're all irrelevant now that Sov demands your attention. Get out your Goody brush and some elastic bands and join the side-ponytailed nation when Lady Soverign performs at Studio A tonight. See www.myspace.com/studioamiami.

P.S. Let's give credit where credit is due:

VIVA AMERICA!

Sorry I was away for so long. I was busy putting the "jive" in "jive turkey."

While we are on the subject of Thanksgiving, I would like to show you why I love America. In the course of oh, about 14 hours and a single mile, I encountered both Kevin Federline and... Barack Obama!



This is KFed on Friday, November 17, at the club Mansion on South Beach, where he was hosting a party. All he did was stand there like this with the bottle in his hand. Now, I think KFed is pretty cute, and that he gets a bad rap, but I will say this: the man sure knows how to blow an opportunity. Not only did he mess up the whole Britney marriage thing, but he did not sing, did not perform, did not play any of his music, did not even speak, and did not in any way use the chance to show the world that he is something other than the former Mr. Britney Spears. And he certainly did not use the opportunity to show the judge why he should have custody of his children.


Now, if you read the New Times last week, you may have seen my piece titled "Barack Obama Is Stalking Me." Here is proof:



Yes, just hours after my KFed encounter, I went to the Miami Book Fair. Who was there? Yes -- ol' B.O. himself. It is hard to get away from him these days. The senator from Illinois is riding this rock-star aura all the way to the bank, and maybe the White House. Outside the theatre where B.O. was to speak, there was a very long line. People had been waiting for four hours to get standby tickets; the line snaked around the block. Now, I went to President Clinton's inauguration, I was at the presidential primaries in New Hampshire in 2000, and I've seen old ladies throw themselves at President Bush. Political fervor is such a funny thing. The unabashed way that people were fawning over Obama -- you'd have thunk you were at a Beatles concert. Here are some of Barack's fans -- a teacher and a promoter of reggae bands. Do they look stoked or what?



These ladies said they like Obama's "vision" or his "ideas" -- but could not say which ideas specifically. For the record, Obama wants to get out of Iraq in stages; he wants a better education system; and he wants health care for all Americans (although I was surprised to hear him say "I still struggle" with the issue of gay marriage or civil unions). He said nothing specific nor disagreeable.

I don't totally trust Obama (he talked about living on "the south side of Chicago"... but did not mention that his house cost $1.65 million), but I did like him (in response to a teenage girl who said she wanted to grow up to be Speaker of the House, Obama said he would tell Nancy Pelosi not to mess anything up before then). 2008 is still along way away, so I'm not going to get into whether Obama is qualified to be president; whether paying for his neighbor's lawn to be mowed counts as a shady real estate deal; whether he has any specific solutions or just looks good on TV; whether Americans are ready to elect a black president; or whether his name sounds too much like "Osama" (I won't even mention that his middle name is Hussein!). But I do know it's kind of cool that we're all even considering electing, as Obama put it, "a black man with a funny name, born in Hawaii of a father from Kenya and a mother from Kansas." As he has said, it's hard to believe that he even won election to Congress -- unless you think about that another guy -- "a child born in the backwoods of Kentucky with less than a year of formal education" -- Abraham Lincoln. Like I said... Viva America!

Heeeeere's Larry -- as promised!

This is my interview with the loveliest cable guy in the world.

Hey, what are you up to?
I’m just visiting my wife’s folks up in Northern Wisconsin. And so that’s one of the reasons I was late. I was letting her sleep in and I was taking care of the baby, and he actually had to be changed and he was crying, so I figured I’d do that before I called you.

Oh, no problem. How is the little baby? Wyatt, right?
Yeah… named after his grandma. (laughs)

I was excited – I read that you grew up in West Palm Beach – is that true?
I was born and raised in Southeast Nebraska. And moved to West Palm Beach when I was 16. But I lived in West Palm Beach for 16 years.

Where did you live exactly? Cause that’s where I grew up!
Did you? Where at?

Off Okeechobee Boulevard.
I was off Southern Boulevard and Belvedere Road.

That’s close to where I lived!
And I had an apartment for about six years, no, eight years off Palm Beach Lakes Boulevard.

Cool! So, during this time, you’re working at Wendy’s and calling into radio shows?
Yeah, I started doing standup in ‘85.

So what kind of work were you doig when you lived down here? I read somewhere that you worked at a Wendy’s.
I worked at, when I was 16, and first moved to Florida, I worked at the Wendy’s on what road – oh damn – not Okeechobee… not Congress…

Military?
Yeah! Military Trail and Cherry Road. There’s still a Wendy’s there, I think! And a Scotty’s! (laughs)

Scotty’s is long gone! But your dad was principal of King’s Academy [private school]?
He was the elementary principal.

Is he retired now?
He’s dead.

So I guess hes not working…
(laughs)

Do you remember which radio station you got your start at?
95 YNF in Tampa.

Not in West Palm Beach?
I never really did it [called into radio shows] in West palm. I started doing standup at the Comedy Corner there, though. I was working at the Hyatt – which is now the Ramada or Sheraton, I can’t remember. It used to be across from Twin Lakes high school. It’s right across from the Kravis Center. My mom worked there for years.

And you installed cable there ?
Naw (laughs), I was a bellhop. I was a bellhop there about three years and then went on the road doing standup.

And do people ever mix you up with Jim Carrey, the cable guy?
No, they never do.

Do people ask you that a lot?
I was actually named Larry the Cable Guy before that movie came out.

One of the things I love is when you say, “That’s funny, I don’t care who you are.” Like you’re insisting that something’s funny.
Yeah. Well, I know its funny and they know its funny, they just don’t know if they should laugh at it or not. People are too uptight.

If youre so funny, tell me this: why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road? Uh… because… Geez, where did that question come from? (laughs)

You’re the comedian! You should have a really good answer for that one!
Well, uh…. Why did the chicken cross the road? Uh, because uh…

We can come back to that one if it’s too hard for ya.
Because David Blaine was doing magic on the other side of the road!

Tell me what’s up with your tour and other projects.
I’m wrapping up the tour – I finish December 4 in San Diego. I’m on the Tonight Show on the 5th, and I pick up again in January. But I’ve been gone all year. I started January 11, went till June 30, took 2 months off and started right back up again.

Where do you live now?
Sanford, Florida. I split my time, between Lincoln, Nebraska and Orlando.

No hollywood for you? No New York?
Nope. I’m doing fine without ‘em.

Do you have a pig farm in Sanford?
No, I live in the woods, in a swamp area. I have a 180-acre farm in Nebraska, but.. I live there in the summer and fall and live in Florida in the winter and spring. I’ve got family in both places.

So what else have you got going on?
All went well. I have the movie Delta Farce coming out May 11 and then a Comedy Central special I just got done taping that’ll come out in June next year, the CD in April. Then I go do a movie with Lion’s Gate coming out next year – called Witless Protection. And then… I’ve got a cartoon coming out on Comedy Central and I’m in the process of doing a christmas special – for next year.

It’s crazy – you’re a comedian and you have album sales higher than singers.
Its really cool, I’ve got a cool fan base. They like to laugh and have fun. I got good fans, that’s it. I don’t do anything special, I don’t change anything, I don’t take myself too seriously, I don’t change at all. I know what they like to laugh at, I keep it all fresh, I’m always writing new material, and I’m giving ‘em a good product. Evidently, I’m giving ‘em a good product -- they keep buying it.

That’s awesome. What do you do with all that money?
(laughs) I have relatives and friends and believe me, it goes. Plus, I save. I’m not as stupid as I sound.

Me neither.
(laughs) You don’t sound stupid!

Aw, I’m kidding. Hey, there’s some stuff in the news I wanted to ask you about. How about Kevin Federline and Britney Spears’ divorce?
Well, it screws up one of my jokes. No… I could care less. I do a joke about their second baby. I say, they only had two babies so the first one had something to land on. And then I say, the show The Biggest Loser -- ever see it? I thought it was about Britney Spears’ husband. (laughs)

Yeah, but he’s an easy target – him, Michael jackson, your friend President Bush
Yeah he’ an easy target. Wait, now why do you say Bush is my friend?

I thought you liked him – the whole republican, right-wing, middle America thing?
Yeah, but I don’t wholly agree with him on everything. But he’s better than the other pieces of shit that run for office.

(laugh) Tell us what you really feel!
That’s pretty much it!

Have you seen Borat, the movie?
No, but I was a fan of Ali G way before he got popular.

What do you think of all the people trying to sue him now?
They’re a bunch of idiots. You know what? He’s doing what he’s doing, if you don’t – its comedy. If you really think this guy – like one of the guys that went along the joke said, “I was kinda thinking something wasn’t right here, but I went ahead and played along.” It just depends if you have a sense of humor or you don’t have a sense of humor.

I think they just want some of those $25 million proceeds or whatever.
Well yeah, I mean – that’s what it is. He’s been doing this stuff for years. And was on HBO for years! It wasn’t that poular— he wasn’t a household name, but now he’s super popular and just made $68 million in two weeks so now he’s a target.

Do you watch lot of other comedians to pick up tips and tricks?
Not at all. I tour with the same opening act – I’ve had the same openening act three years and before I was with him, I toured with the Blue Collar guys and then when on my own and still had him.

Who?
PJ Walsh .. so I have lot of friends I came up with that I like, but I don’t go to comedy clubs or sit around and do that. I got my own stuff I gotta worry about.

And when you’re writing, does material pop in your head and you just try to remember later?
I sit down, like when I wrote commetary for radio stations. I’m a one-liner guy. And when you do it, you when hang out with friends and you’re just quick-witted and something pops into your head, you write it down. But I generally sit down and write for an hour and a half or a couple of hours a day and write, anything. Just write a story or what you did for the day, and usually f you write three pags of a goofy story or something, you’ll have about 4 or 5 one-liners that you can take on the stage. Or you’ll work on topics – I’ll say, “Today I’m gonna work on Wal-Mart jokes, or today I’m gonna work on Home Depot jokes.” And then I can actually go to the place – if I go Bass Pro Shops and walk around, I’ll come home and write jokes about Bass Pro Shops.

So So does Larry the Cable Guy keep a journal?
No.

Do you keep a notebook or use a laptop?
I keep it all in the computer – I keep ‘em all on file.

So do you practice – like, put on a flannel and stand in front of the mirror?
(laughs) I don’t practice. I’ve been doing long enough – I shouldn’t have to practice at this point. What I wear’s not really a costume -- that’s what I wear. In the early days of standup when I first got started, I mean, you were learning – it was a learning process. The more you do standup and the more bitter about it you get, and the more you don’t give a shit and the more you go onstage and become more yourself and your own personality shows through – then you develop your own style and your own act. I used to go onstage in Z Cavariccis and button-down polo shirts because when I was starting standup, that’s how everyone was dressing and you wanted to do what they did. And then more I started doing it, the more I started, you know, a pair or jeans and a t-shirt and baseball caps, the more I felt comfprtable because that’s how I normally would dress, and then when I started doing this, it was awesome because I could wear anything I wanted! I feel real comfortable wearing it, but no, I don’t practice!

Then you must get recognized in public a lot.
Oh yeah.

And then I started wearing, growing up in Florida, I didn’t wear a lot of shirts with sleeves anyway, cause it’s always hot. So I didn’t wear a lot of dress-up stuff.

I came across something that showing you doing football picks for a paper in Nebraska.
Yeah, I’m a big Nebraska football fan and they asked me if I wanted to do some college football picks, so I said yeah, why not? It was fun to do.

Do you watch pro football as well?
Uhhhhhh, yes I do.

I was wondering if you had any thoughts on the Dolphins?
You know I’ve never been a… I’m way more of a college fan than I am a pro fan. When I was kid, I grew up a Raider fan and when I moved to Florida and the Raiders moved to Oakland, I kind of abandoned the Raiders and I rooted for Tampa Bay. My wife’s friom Wisconsin so now I’m a big Packers fan.

Cool. What is the Git-R-Done Pro Rodeo tour all about?
You know what, I’ve ben a fan of rodeo my whole life. I’ve always enjoyed it. I can’t do it, obviously. I just wanted to sponsor some people and help ‘em on down the road. Its really tough if you don’t win an event, especially on the road. If they don’t win, they don’t get any money, and its all out of pocket so… I met some people along the way -- a couple of ropers, barrel racers, I just thought id’ start sponsoring. My first was Tater Porter, who’s just a buddy of mine from Kissimmee. He’s a really good bull rider and he never had sponsors so I started sponsoring him and the first year I sponsored him, he won the world championship in Las Vegas. So I’ve been sponsoring since ‘98.

Wow, cool.
If I can help, I like to. It’s friends of mine but I know it’s tough do rodeo.

Anything you look forward to doing here in South Florida? Have you performed at the Hard Rock before?
Yeah, it was awesome, I sold it out.

You looking forwrad to hitting the strip clubs or anything?
(laughs) Those days are long gone for me!

What you gonna do for Thanksgiving?
See the whole family in Lincoln and have Thanksgiving and to the Nebraska football game and head to Florida.

Have you been to King’s Academy for your high school reunion or anything?
Nope, never have. I just haven’t had a chance. Everyone was really cool. I’ve always gotten along with everybody, so really – I’ve just been so busy. I’m constantly on tour.

Keep in touch with anyone from high school?
Yeah, friends from hihh school in Nebrask and some from school in Florida.

Can you introduce me to Ron White?
Yeah -- get ready to drink a lot! (laughs) Ron’s awesome – really a funny guy.

And I heard you and [comedian] David Cross [of Mr. show fame] play Scrabble and stuff.
I got nothing against the guy. I don’t even know the guy.

So that [publicized feud] was blown out of proportion.
Big time.

Anything else you want to talk about?
No, I’m just excited to come down there. I look forward to performing. I haven’t been to the area in a while so old buddies should come out, and I’ve got a ton of fans there. It’s always fun to come close where you started. Old buddies, old friends, I’m sure they’ll show.

Well, we look forward to having you.
Thanks for the interview, I really appreciate it.

Noproblem. Thank you. Take it easy.
Bye!

DIDDY OR DIDN'T HE?

In celebrity news... The magnanimous Diddy will be in the 305 tonight for a party for Ocean Drive magazine. If you are the sort of person who has a way with velvet ropes, or a wad to blow on bottle service, check it out:

http://www.onsevents.com/




We also hear that Sharon Stone stayed at the Sagamore this weekend, and that Gnarls Barkley lived it up pre- and post-BANG! at the Shore Club. There were rumors of a Brit-ish invasion, or lack thereof, as Britney Spears was rumored to be in town... and then rumored not to be in town. For our part, we were too busy drinking pina coladas to notice.

As you know, yours truly likes to kick it "highbrow, lowbrow, and unibrow" (a line I borrowed from cooljunkie.com). For the proletariat, may we suggest some places where you CAN get in wearing flip-flops?

Tonight: Miami Jazz Jam (long-running jazz night jam asession) and Theatre de Underground (open mic/ poetry night) at Churchill's (10 pm till late): http://www.churchillspub.com/

Tomorrow: Parrot Head invasion at the Sound Advice Amphitheatre, where Jimmy Buffett is playing.



If these look like your people, join them for Palm Beach resident Jimmy Buffett's "homecoming" in the 561. Now, the only thing I remember from my one Buffet concert (in Massachussets) is that someone had a kiddie pool in the back of a pickup truck, with a slide going from the top of the truck's cab and into the pool. People sliding down into the water had the requisite drinks in hand, and nudiity was involved. For more on the fun-loving Parrotheads and their "phlockings," visit www.palmbeachparrotheads.com.

So long for today, kids! Tomorrow I interview Larry the Cable Guy about an upcoming show. Check back for the transcript!

Mwah!

TO DO THIS WEEK:

TUESDAY -- Vote! I'm not sure if I'm supposed to get political on here, but I just wantto say there are three candidates I like:
For governor, Jim Davis -- because he specifically said he would use Surfrider members for advice.

For Senator -- Well, we all know Jim Davis is going to win this one over Katherine "I got attacked by a stick of mascara" Harris. So, in a show of support for third-party candidates, I think I am going to go for this little peace-loving guy, Brian Moore: http://www.votebrianmoore.com/

I never thought I would vote for a Republican, but I have to say I dig Charles Bronson -- not only because he has a kickass name but because he drives a green biodiesel-powered bus. His opponenet just doen't really have anything to say.
Check out Bronson's pimped ride:




WEDNESDAY:

Don't forget MC Chris -- aka MC Pee Pants -- is at the Culture Room! WWW.MCCHRIS.COM Scroll down for my full interview with him.



THURSDAY:
My friend -- let's call him McDreamy -- oh wait, that name is already taken? Then let's call him SwampHunk -- is hosting this party A launch party for Bogart's; a new restaurant on the Premier Level of the Boca Raton Muvico Palace 20.
It's at 7 p.m., 3200 Airport Road, Boca Raton.

FRIDAY:
Tryouts for girls who want to be cheerleaders atthe Park Sports Club:



SATURDAY:
The Bang Music Festival! Duran Duran, Daft Punk, like a million DJs.
www.bangmusicfestival.com

WAS I RIGHT, OR WAS I RIGHT?

-- Kelly Slater was indeed in Sebastian this weekend (http://www.floridatoday.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061105/SPORTS01/611050340/1002/SPORTS). I was going to post a description about what a good kisser he is, but that started turning into a long essay, so... Nah, just kidding. Unfortunately he was stealthy enough able to escape my hi-tech pro-surfer-catching trap -- with the cheese! -- unscathed. Seriously, though, I didn't go up there, but my friend -- oh, let's call her ShredderKitten -- reports that Slater spent 99 percent of the time in the water, but when he got out and was toweling off (are you getting the visuals?) that he was as gracious as ever. I trusted ShredderKitten to hit up the Quiksilver party and give us all the realted gossip (is Minnie Driver really dating one of the Malloy brothers -- surf-moviemusic-video gurus and friends-of-Jack-Johnson?), but she got drunk at the campsite without making it over there. That's my girl!

-- The Greenpeace/Surfrider project to bring attention to global warming had a great turnout. Full story here: (http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/local/states/florida/counties/broward_county/15932993.htm) Check out the picture:


-- If I wasn't stalking Kelly Slater, then where was I, you ask? Actually checking out the dark side -- or the artsy side -- at the noise. water. meat. art/noise show at Roxanne's. First, props to these kids for putting on an event like this in the 954. It's so cool to see people trying to make a scene where they live, rather than whine about how much it sucks and how it would be so much better if they just moved to new york. There was some really cool photography (esp these large-format prints of soccer poles in a field, and an abandoned mattress) and paintings (especially this one of an alligator trying to bite a diamond ring). I was dumb and forgot to take notes, but if anyone knows who made these, please tell me because i wantto link to their sites (they must have MySpace pages) and maybe even go back and buy that alligator painting.

as far as the "music" -- they did experimental things, like hooking up a coffee grinder to a mic, and using a sewing machine for sound. I thought that was cool -- for the first three minutes, then it started getting really annoying. But then a wise man said to me, "Well, noise by definition is punishing and you can't get away from it." Well put. Actually, you could get away from it -- out front they had videos showing a makeshift cabana, and also a school desk with a pen and piece of paper, and a picee of Toblerone chocolate that you could eat -- if you dared. Anywyay, like I said, props to Phoenecia, Richard Vergez, Whistling School for Boys, and Threat for poking our brains a little bit. Check this MySpace page for more: www.myspace.com/noisewatermeat


-- And the reports are in: photographer Annie Liebovitz was lovely last night. My other spy -- let's call him SprechenZieAwesome -- was out and about, faithfully documenting everything rad in the 305.

Here are some of his pictures, and links to his site (www.coolpool.us):

DID SOMEONE SAY "WAVES?"

Tired of doing a drive-by on the beach every morning, only to find a whole lot of calm seas and non-action going on? That ll changes this weekend with four -- yes, four -- surfing-related events that you may want to get in on:

1) The Surfrider Foundation (www.surfrider.org) and Greenpeace are getting together to demand action on global climate change. How? By lining up human beings at John U. Lloyd State Park, so that, when photographed from a helicopter, it looks like "a human map of Florida with the southern tip literally submerged in the ocean, while a hurricane approaches from the Atlantic. In the Gulf side of the image, text will read: 'Wanted: Climate Heroes.'"

[I will try to upload a picture here just as soon as I can!]

Surfrider members are being asked to create the “submerged portion of Florida” for the image. This requires 40-50 people to be in the water for an hour or more. They are also invited to bring boards. You have to email miami@surfrider.org for details and to RSVP.


2) The Eastern Surfing Association is holding a surf contest at Villas By The Seas in Lauderdale By The Sea, with divisions from 11 and under to 65+. The contest window starts at 8 a.m. Saturday, and will go through the day Sunday if needed.

As is unfortunately the case with surfing contests, a lack waves may cancel the event, so call the contest hotline at 954–359-9994 or 954-680-SURF to see if the show goes on. The newly-formed Broward chapter of the Surfrider Foundation is holding a beach cleanup in conjunction with the event. For more info, see http://surfesa.org

3) For those of you interested in a little road trip, checkout the annual "King of the Peak" surf contest up in Sebastian, started by Mr. Eight Time World Champion Surfer himself, Kelly Slater. It allows regular joes (and bettys) to compete against pro surfers.
http://www.quiksilver.com/events/detail.aspx?evntid=117

Kelly has been at the contest many of its past years, and we heard that he recently backed out of a pro tour event to attend his mom's wedding in Cocoa Beach; we also hear that his brother Sean recently opened a surf shop in the hood. Now, we're not geniuses or anything, but we do know how to put two and two and two together, so we wouldn't be surprised to see Mr. Slater will be showing up at the beach Saturday morning. (That's why we'll be hiding behind the dunes with our giant man-catching net). If you recall, last year I interviewed Slater and he told me that he and Gisele Bundchen, despite having been photographed to gether on several occasions, were "not together like that." Good news for single men and women alike. But even if Kelly is taken by now, well... here's more incentive to pack your bags and strap the boards to the roof --

http://www.surfermag.com/photos/events/kingofpeak05/index34.html

4) Now, this one isn't *directly* about surfing, but it is about maintaining a healthy coastal environment (BTW, did you see the news flash today about seafood becoming extinct by the 2040s? That is some scary stuff.) A group working on mangrove reforestation around Miami is doing something proactive (besides hitting the all-you-can-eat buffet at Red Lobster wile they can). They are recruiting volunteers to place seedlings in businesses across South Beach. A lead volunteer will be at 933 Lincoln Road (Books and Books) at 10 am on Saturday, November 4th leading a canvassing of Lincoln Road. Others will be on Nov 11th and Dec 2. They still need a team(s) to oversee and recruit volunteers for a canvassing on Nov 25th.

Adult volunteers who may want to join in at Books and Books to canvas Lincoln Road 10am to 1 pm on Nov 4th (and/or Nov 25th), see: http://www.reclamationproject.net/volunteers.htm. Or call Citizens for a Better South Florida at 305-648-0000 or email Jackie at coordinator@reclamationproject.net.

IT'S GETTING FLIFFY IN HERE!

Hey kids,

If you haven't already checked out the film festival to eat all film fetsivals -- the Fort Lauderdale International Film Festival, that is -- get on it! Here's a rundown of all the surrounding parties that remain; for more details and a film schedule, visit www.fliff.com.


Friday, November 3, 9:30pm
MEET ALL THE STARS &
FILMMAKERS AT THE FEST !
THE REEL MAGIC CENTERPIECE GALA
Just after the hilarious new mockumentary PITTSBURGH with
Jeff Goldblum, Illeana Douglas, Moby, Craig Kilborn & Conan O'Brien
Film at Parker Playhouse.
Gala at The Historic War Memorial Auditorium
$55 non-members/ $45 members includes Movie plus buffet, dancing, auction

Saturday, November 4, 7pm
GRAY MATTERS PRE SCREENING PARTY
Meet Director Sue Kramer and friends,
plus other festival stars and filmmakers
AT CHINA WHITE 109 SW 2nd Ave, Downtown Fort Lauderdale
Sponsored by Express

Wednesday, November 8, All Day
Free Drinks at ART BAR
300 SW 1st Ave, Downstairs by Riverfront
FREE With ticket to any film at Cinema Paradiso or Riverfront
Stop by the Sundance Festival Cafe located at Las Olas Riverfront to pick up a coupon.

Thursday, November 9, 7pm to 9pm
MEET SOME OF THE STARS AND FILMMAKERS AT THE FEST THIS WEEK at
New Times BPB I Want Someone to Eat Cheese Party
at The River House - 301 Sw 3rd Ave, Fort Lauderdale
Listen to the sounds of live band SOSOS, sample Wines from from AV Imports, Complimentary appetizers and specialty cheeses, plus one free drink of choice.
Free with your ticket to the 5:30PM or 9:00pm screening of Jeff Garlin’s new comedy I WANT SOMEONE TO EAT CHEESE WITH starring Garlin, Amy Sedaris, Sarah Silverman, Bonnie Hunt. $10 without your ticket.

Friday, November 10, 9pm
WINE TASTING
You never know … Ernie Hudson (Miss Congeniality 1 & 2) and star
of HALFWAY DECENT may just show up!
Las Olas Fine Arts Gallery 701 East Las Olas
Free with your ticket stub for HALFWAY DECENT

Sunday, Nov 12, 9:30pm
THE FLIFF WRAP PARTY
RAP ALL NIGHT WITH THE STARS & FILMMAKERS AT THE THE 21st ANNUAL FORT LAUDERDALE INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL at
THE SAND BAR, 401 S Ft Lauderdale Beach Blvd (300 ft south of Las Olas.
($50 includes open bar and admission to three movies -- Canvas, Local Color, and Sharkwater)