Heeeeere's Larry -- as promised!

This is my interview with the loveliest cable guy in the world.

Hey, what are you up to?
I’m just visiting my wife’s folks up in Northern Wisconsin. And so that’s one of the reasons I was late. I was letting her sleep in and I was taking care of the baby, and he actually had to be changed and he was crying, so I figured I’d do that before I called you.

Oh, no problem. How is the little baby? Wyatt, right?
Yeah… named after his grandma. (laughs)

I was excited – I read that you grew up in West Palm Beach – is that true?
I was born and raised in Southeast Nebraska. And moved to West Palm Beach when I was 16. But I lived in West Palm Beach for 16 years.

Where did you live exactly? Cause that’s where I grew up!
Did you? Where at?

Off Okeechobee Boulevard.
I was off Southern Boulevard and Belvedere Road.

That’s close to where I lived!
And I had an apartment for about six years, no, eight years off Palm Beach Lakes Boulevard.

Cool! So, during this time, you’re working at Wendy’s and calling into radio shows?
Yeah, I started doing standup in ‘85.

So what kind of work were you doig when you lived down here? I read somewhere that you worked at a Wendy’s.
I worked at, when I was 16, and first moved to Florida, I worked at the Wendy’s on what road – oh damn – not Okeechobee… not Congress…

Military?
Yeah! Military Trail and Cherry Road. There’s still a Wendy’s there, I think! And a Scotty’s! (laughs)

Scotty’s is long gone! But your dad was principal of King’s Academy [private school]?
He was the elementary principal.

Is he retired now?
He’s dead.

So I guess hes not working…
(laughs)

Do you remember which radio station you got your start at?
95 YNF in Tampa.

Not in West Palm Beach?
I never really did it [called into radio shows] in West palm. I started doing standup at the Comedy Corner there, though. I was working at the Hyatt – which is now the Ramada or Sheraton, I can’t remember. It used to be across from Twin Lakes high school. It’s right across from the Kravis Center. My mom worked there for years.

And you installed cable there ?
Naw (laughs), I was a bellhop. I was a bellhop there about three years and then went on the road doing standup.

And do people ever mix you up with Jim Carrey, the cable guy?
No, they never do.

Do people ask you that a lot?
I was actually named Larry the Cable Guy before that movie came out.

One of the things I love is when you say, “That’s funny, I don’t care who you are.” Like you’re insisting that something’s funny.
Yeah. Well, I know its funny and they know its funny, they just don’t know if they should laugh at it or not. People are too uptight.

If youre so funny, tell me this: why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road? Uh… because… Geez, where did that question come from? (laughs)

You’re the comedian! You should have a really good answer for that one!
Well, uh…. Why did the chicken cross the road? Uh, because uh…

We can come back to that one if it’s too hard for ya.
Because David Blaine was doing magic on the other side of the road!

Tell me what’s up with your tour and other projects.
I’m wrapping up the tour – I finish December 4 in San Diego. I’m on the Tonight Show on the 5th, and I pick up again in January. But I’ve been gone all year. I started January 11, went till June 30, took 2 months off and started right back up again.

Where do you live now?
Sanford, Florida. I split my time, between Lincoln, Nebraska and Orlando.

No hollywood for you? No New York?
Nope. I’m doing fine without ‘em.

Do you have a pig farm in Sanford?
No, I live in the woods, in a swamp area. I have a 180-acre farm in Nebraska, but.. I live there in the summer and fall and live in Florida in the winter and spring. I’ve got family in both places.

So what else have you got going on?
All went well. I have the movie Delta Farce coming out May 11 and then a Comedy Central special I just got done taping that’ll come out in June next year, the CD in April. Then I go do a movie with Lion’s Gate coming out next year – called Witless Protection. And then… I’ve got a cartoon coming out on Comedy Central and I’m in the process of doing a christmas special – for next year.

It’s crazy – you’re a comedian and you have album sales higher than singers.
Its really cool, I’ve got a cool fan base. They like to laugh and have fun. I got good fans, that’s it. I don’t do anything special, I don’t change anything, I don’t take myself too seriously, I don’t change at all. I know what they like to laugh at, I keep it all fresh, I’m always writing new material, and I’m giving ‘em a good product. Evidently, I’m giving ‘em a good product -- they keep buying it.

That’s awesome. What do you do with all that money?
(laughs) I have relatives and friends and believe me, it goes. Plus, I save. I’m not as stupid as I sound.

Me neither.
(laughs) You don’t sound stupid!

Aw, I’m kidding. Hey, there’s some stuff in the news I wanted to ask you about. How about Kevin Federline and Britney Spears’ divorce?
Well, it screws up one of my jokes. No… I could care less. I do a joke about their second baby. I say, they only had two babies so the first one had something to land on. And then I say, the show The Biggest Loser -- ever see it? I thought it was about Britney Spears’ husband. (laughs)

Yeah, but he’s an easy target – him, Michael jackson, your friend President Bush
Yeah he’ an easy target. Wait, now why do you say Bush is my friend?

I thought you liked him – the whole republican, right-wing, middle America thing?
Yeah, but I don’t wholly agree with him on everything. But he’s better than the other pieces of shit that run for office.

(laugh) Tell us what you really feel!
That’s pretty much it!

Have you seen Borat, the movie?
No, but I was a fan of Ali G way before he got popular.

What do you think of all the people trying to sue him now?
They’re a bunch of idiots. You know what? He’s doing what he’s doing, if you don’t – its comedy. If you really think this guy – like one of the guys that went along the joke said, “I was kinda thinking something wasn’t right here, but I went ahead and played along.” It just depends if you have a sense of humor or you don’t have a sense of humor.

I think they just want some of those $25 million proceeds or whatever.
Well yeah, I mean – that’s what it is. He’s been doing this stuff for years. And was on HBO for years! It wasn’t that poular— he wasn’t a household name, but now he’s super popular and just made $68 million in two weeks so now he’s a target.

Do you watch lot of other comedians to pick up tips and tricks?
Not at all. I tour with the same opening act – I’ve had the same openening act three years and before I was with him, I toured with the Blue Collar guys and then when on my own and still had him.

Who?
PJ Walsh .. so I have lot of friends I came up with that I like, but I don’t go to comedy clubs or sit around and do that. I got my own stuff I gotta worry about.

And when you’re writing, does material pop in your head and you just try to remember later?
I sit down, like when I wrote commetary for radio stations. I’m a one-liner guy. And when you do it, you when hang out with friends and you’re just quick-witted and something pops into your head, you write it down. But I generally sit down and write for an hour and a half or a couple of hours a day and write, anything. Just write a story or what you did for the day, and usually f you write three pags of a goofy story or something, you’ll have about 4 or 5 one-liners that you can take on the stage. Or you’ll work on topics – I’ll say, “Today I’m gonna work on Wal-Mart jokes, or today I’m gonna work on Home Depot jokes.” And then I can actually go to the place – if I go Bass Pro Shops and walk around, I’ll come home and write jokes about Bass Pro Shops.

So So does Larry the Cable Guy keep a journal?
No.

Do you keep a notebook or use a laptop?
I keep it all in the computer – I keep ‘em all on file.

So do you practice – like, put on a flannel and stand in front of the mirror?
(laughs) I don’t practice. I’ve been doing long enough – I shouldn’t have to practice at this point. What I wear’s not really a costume -- that’s what I wear. In the early days of standup when I first got started, I mean, you were learning – it was a learning process. The more you do standup and the more bitter about it you get, and the more you don’t give a shit and the more you go onstage and become more yourself and your own personality shows through – then you develop your own style and your own act. I used to go onstage in Z Cavariccis and button-down polo shirts because when I was starting standup, that’s how everyone was dressing and you wanted to do what they did. And then more I started doing it, the more I started, you know, a pair or jeans and a t-shirt and baseball caps, the more I felt comfprtable because that’s how I normally would dress, and then when I started doing this, it was awesome because I could wear anything I wanted! I feel real comfortable wearing it, but no, I don’t practice!

Then you must get recognized in public a lot.
Oh yeah.

And then I started wearing, growing up in Florida, I didn’t wear a lot of shirts with sleeves anyway, cause it’s always hot. So I didn’t wear a lot of dress-up stuff.

I came across something that showing you doing football picks for a paper in Nebraska.
Yeah, I’m a big Nebraska football fan and they asked me if I wanted to do some college football picks, so I said yeah, why not? It was fun to do.

Do you watch pro football as well?
Uhhhhhh, yes I do.

I was wondering if you had any thoughts on the Dolphins?
You know I’ve never been a… I’m way more of a college fan than I am a pro fan. When I was kid, I grew up a Raider fan and when I moved to Florida and the Raiders moved to Oakland, I kind of abandoned the Raiders and I rooted for Tampa Bay. My wife’s friom Wisconsin so now I’m a big Packers fan.

Cool. What is the Git-R-Done Pro Rodeo tour all about?
You know what, I’ve ben a fan of rodeo my whole life. I’ve always enjoyed it. I can’t do it, obviously. I just wanted to sponsor some people and help ‘em on down the road. Its really tough if you don’t win an event, especially on the road. If they don’t win, they don’t get any money, and its all out of pocket so… I met some people along the way -- a couple of ropers, barrel racers, I just thought id’ start sponsoring. My first was Tater Porter, who’s just a buddy of mine from Kissimmee. He’s a really good bull rider and he never had sponsors so I started sponsoring him and the first year I sponsored him, he won the world championship in Las Vegas. So I’ve been sponsoring since ‘98.

Wow, cool.
If I can help, I like to. It’s friends of mine but I know it’s tough do rodeo.

Anything you look forward to doing here in South Florida? Have you performed at the Hard Rock before?
Yeah, it was awesome, I sold it out.

You looking forwrad to hitting the strip clubs or anything?
(laughs) Those days are long gone for me!

What you gonna do for Thanksgiving?
See the whole family in Lincoln and have Thanksgiving and to the Nebraska football game and head to Florida.

Have you been to King’s Academy for your high school reunion or anything?
Nope, never have. I just haven’t had a chance. Everyone was really cool. I’ve always gotten along with everybody, so really – I’ve just been so busy. I’m constantly on tour.

Keep in touch with anyone from high school?
Yeah, friends from hihh school in Nebrask and some from school in Florida.

Can you introduce me to Ron White?
Yeah -- get ready to drink a lot! (laughs) Ron’s awesome – really a funny guy.

And I heard you and [comedian] David Cross [of Mr. show fame] play Scrabble and stuff.
I got nothing against the guy. I don’t even know the guy.

So that [publicized feud] was blown out of proportion.
Big time.

Anything else you want to talk about?
No, I’m just excited to come down there. I look forward to performing. I haven’t been to the area in a while so old buddies should come out, and I’ve got a ton of fans there. It’s always fun to come close where you started. Old buddies, old friends, I’m sure they’ll show.

Well, we look forward to having you.
Thanks for the interview, I really appreciate it.

Noproblem. Thank you. Take it easy.
Bye!