"BUT I DON'T HAVE A COSTUME"

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

There's no such thing as "I don't have a costume!"

Drape extension cords over your shoulders and pretend you’re a hardware store. Pin a cherry to your shirt, put a cocktail umbrella in your hair, and say that you are a mai-tai. Borrow a skateboard and be Tony Hawk. Rule of thumb: a costume is always better if you have to explain it.

Last night my landlord told me that he darkens his house and doesn't give out candy "because if somebody poisons a kid, and he had trick-or-treated at my house, I would be a suspect. I know it sounds paranoid, but..." Yes, it sounds paranoid. And this is one of those dudes who is always bitching about how "nowadays" everything sucks.

When you were a kid, people had candy at the ready for you -- so pay it back! A hurricane killed last year’s Halloween. This year's kids are hankerin' for a double dose of sugar. You all know I love you, and that it's rare for me to wish ill will upon anyone, but if you don't do your job, I hope the kids do theirs, and toilet paper your yard and break eggs in your mailbox.

And after the trick or treaters have made their rounds, here are a few fun things for you:

– Pitbull album release party at Passion Nightclub at the Hard Rock. So there is life out by the turnpike! I don’t know why anyone ventures that far from the beach, but then again I have never understood the concepts of air conditioning, sunscreen, or non-alcoholic beer.
www.myspace.com/pitbull

– Rainbow skate at Gold Coast -- weekly indie rock party on wheels. This special edition has a Goth theme.
http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsk8tuesdays

– By the Way's "Nightmare in the Park" -- with bands, art, tarot readings, and a blood bank.
http://ci.ftlaud.fl.us/events/nightmare/poster2006.pdf

-- The people at the Mental Ward have been planning some crazy stuff. I heard something about a "brain-eating contest..."
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=21518283


Enjoy!!!!